-So let's talk about Archie. Specifically let's talk about why the supposed main character of Riverdale and his ongoing storylines are so damn boring (Grundy thing aside, which is problematic in ways I've already gone on about at length), despite the solid performance of K.J. Apa. This is partly because Archie in the comics is mostly an audience-identification figure with a pretty vanilla personality that's difficult to make exciting, but a lot of it comes down to the context his storylines are in. Riverdale's Archie is probably the most down-to-earth character on the show and for the most part he has down-to-earth problems. He wants to connect with his dad and he wants to get into music and become a musician while still playing football and he wants to get over his heartbreak and have a good relationship. Now there's nothing wrong with any of this and all of these can make for some compelling teen drama. The issue is Riverdale is not a teen drama, it's a Teen Soap/Gothic Noir genre show and Archie's plots about typical teenager life feel mundane and insignificant on a show where essentially every other character is either investigating a murder, dealing with family secrets, dealing with biker gangs, or dealing with a century-spanning blood feud over a Maple Syrup business. Now on a show as heightened and fantastical as Riverdale, the Archie stories are theoretically there to ground the show in reality a bit, which is fine and necessary but since Archie is no longer tied to the central murder mystery in any meaningful way, his struggles aren't tied to any of the elements they're supposed to be grounding. They exist in a vacuum and so they flounder because they seem irrelevant compared to all the insanity happening elsewhere, which is doing a pretty good job of being emotionally grounded on it's own, despite how larger-than life it all is.
-Take last night's episode for example. Archie spends the episode trying to refocus his efforts post-Grundy on Football, but is unable to stop himself from chasing his musical ambitions, even when a potential mentor has a much harsher (And let's be honest, accurate) opinion of his work than the mentor he was sleeping with did. Meanwhile Betty continues looking into Jason's murder and how it's connected to him and Polly uncovering a blood feud between the Coopers and the Blossoms, Veronica and Cheryl have the world's most awkward sleepover and the Blossoms throw a memorial for Jason where they invite everyone they think could be a suspect. Oh, and the majority of most these other stories take place at Thornhill, the Blossom's creepy hillside mansion that looks like something straight out of Wuthering Heights. Archie's story has it's moments and does a great deal to develop Valerie and Reggie as characters but it just feels lesser than everything else that's going on and disconnected even when Archie is at Thornhill giving Penelope Blossom Jason's uniform and getting his face creepily felt up.
-The best part of Archie's storyline was definitely Val, who got the chance to show more character and personality than any of the Pussycats have in the past five episodes, and was instrumental in getting Archie to stop blindly trusting in other people's opinions of if he's good at music. The episode definitely seems to be setting up a possible romantic connection between her and Archie and I wouldn't mind if Riverdale took an episode or two to explore that before getting to the inevitable love triangle that they're thankfully still putting off.
-So Archie plays football pretty terribly for much of the episode and almost breaks his hand because he didn't study the play he was supposed to know but he gets offered the captain job because he decided to retire Jason's jersey and give it to the Blossom family without consulting anyone first? Why?! Yeah, yeah, it shows leadership potential or whatever but Reggie showed much better leadership potential when he encouraged Archie not to keep practicing with an injured hand (Advice Archie ignored because Archie's kind of dumb.) and much better skills on the field. Also why didn't the coach just retire that jersey in the first place instead of offering it up to whoever the new captain was? At least Archie had the sense not to take the captain job.
-Luckily the Archie stuff wasn't as all consuming as the Grundy storyline last week (Which Riverdale seems eager to just brush past), instead serving as the bland side dish to the episode's main course, our first in-depth examination into the Blossom family.
-From the beginning Cheryl Blossom has always been a larger-than-life character, getting the most ridiculous dialogue and never missing the chance to stir up trouble. Madelaine Petsch does terrific work taking Cheryl as close as possible to the realm of cartoon caricature but always managing to make her feel human. Heart of Darkness finally gives us a significant look into Cheryl's homelife and suddenly her whole character makes a whole lot more sense and feels that much more real and tragic. Jughead's narration sets the tone. She's the Gothic heroine who lives in the creepy house with the private graveyard surrounded by (figurative) ghosts and secrets. Her parents are emotionally withholding monsters all about keeping up appearances, maintaining feuds with their various enemies (There's an intriguing mention of the founding families of Riverdale that I want to see explored further), and going on and on about the maple syrup industry Riverdale is built on. No one wanted to be around her so she bullied and forced her way to the top of the social order through sheer will. She had an unhealthy attachment to her brother but that was only because he was the only one who ever protected her. No wonder she's become such a force of nature. Petsch gives her finest performance to date at Jason's memorial, as Cheryl gives the eulogy she was told not to give in the dress she was wearing the day Jason vanished. It's our biggest glimpse yet at how much of a broken human being Cheryl is and it's very effective at grounding the insanity of the Blossom family.
-Having spent the first few episodes building the bond between Betty and Veronica, Heart of Darkness sets to setting up a friendship or at least a frenemy bond between Veronica and Cheryl. Veronica and Cheryl don't get along by any means but Veronica was there for Cheryl when she had her pep rally breakdown and Cheryl remembers that, which is why she invites Veronica for a sleepover the night before the memorial. She isn't used to that kind of support and Veronica comes through again, encouraging her to give the eulogy she wants to give no matter the consequences (Cheryl is convinced her parents would kill her, which is very telling). It's nice to see Riverdale committed to fleshing out the complicated dynamics between it's female characters instead of just having them all be best friends or at each other's throats consistently.
-No Alice this week, but that's probably for the best, seeing that Penelope and Cliff Blossom are even more over-the-top than she is. Alice has basically been a crazy cartoon villain so far but the Blossoms make her seem like a well-adjusted average mom by comparison.
-Excellent production design on the Thornhill estate. It feels creepy and otherworldly and I hope we get to spend a lot more time there in the future.
-Hal Cooper has been on my radar for a couple weeks now, seeming much quieter, more passive, and more reasonable than his wife which is immediately suspicious. My suspicions got raised even higher when Betty, after learning that Jason started selling possessions and dealing drugs shortly after dating Polly asks him about what happened to her and he explains that he walked in on her trying to kill herself after a bad fight with Jason. It's the perfect motivation for murder and my suspicions became even more entrenched when Betty sees him tearfully watching old movies of Polly. The twist though is that Hal is lying to some extent (Maybe Polly did try to kill herself. We don't know). Polly and Jason were engaged to be married, despite a bitter feud between their two families and it's strongly implied that that's why Polly was sent away. It's a brilliant twist because it comes out of nowhere, yet it completely lines up with the information we have or suspect we have. Hal is just as manipulative and dangerous as Alice is, he's just a lot sneakier about it so it's very effective to see him suddenly blow up like this. Of course now I'm much less convinced that he killed Jason but we'll get to that in Murder Theory Corner.
-Why do the Coopers and the Blossoms hate each other so much? Because Cheryl's great-grandfather killed Betty's great-grandfather over the profits of the maple syrup business they started together, starting a blood feud. A blood feud! It's ridiculous, over-the-top, and more than a little nonsensical but I love this bit of backstory so much. It's just so odd and inspired and it turns the story of Jason and Polly into a weird, modern Romeo and Juliet. If the idea behind Riverdale was that there was always a darkness to the town that Jason's death brought to the surface, this is the most effective expression yet of that idea. Also now I'm just desperate for an episode that does a deep dive into the dark history of the Maple Syrup industry in Riverdale.
-So now that Betty knows the truth about Polly (Or at least much of the truth about Polly), does this mean we get to actually meet Polly soon? I hope so.
-No sign of Jughead's dad this week but the Southside Serpents do send a snake to Pop's as a warning to Hermione, prompting her to go to Fred for help prompting Fred to finally hire her as the bookkeeper for his company. It's more interesting than the Archie stuff but less interesting than the Blossom/Cooper stuff. Luke Perry and Marisol Nichols have solid chemistry though and this could be a good chance for them to get some much needed character development outside of their relationships to their children.
-This Week in Hot Archie: Shirtless Archie works up a sweat hitting the punching bag because he needs to stay in shape.
-This Week in Ridiculous Cheryl Blossom Dialogue That Madelaine Petsch Inexplicably Pulls Off: "To my surprise and chagrin, Mother added you to the guest list. In case you're thinking of stealing candlesticks: don't. We'll be searching bags". It's all in her inflections.
-The Maple Syrup Industry being so huge explains why the river is called Sweetwater and why the local sex act is called the Sticky Maple. That's something.
-The best moment in the Archie story is when Archie's dad walks in on him and Val and is both really awkward about it, while clearly really happy that Archie is with someone his own age. Archie's gruff potential mentor who wanted him to do things like write actual sheet music for his songs was also entertaining.
-Murder Theory Corner: So now that the characters are suspicious of Hal and we have confirmation that he's shady, I don't suspect him as much because I know how TV works. The Cooper-Blossom Maple Syrup Blood Feud is an incredible bit of backstory that's both operatic and ridiculous but it also feels like a huge red herring. Why'd Hal steal the original murder wall? My bet is he suspects Polly killed Jason and he's trying to protect her. So my suspicions have moved back to someone in Josie's orbit (Likely her mom but any of the Pussycats could also work). That being said though, with the episode working to establish a connection between the Lodge family and the Blossom family, maybe Hiram did it? He's got to show up by the end of the season and this would definitely leave an impression.
-Seriously guys, I can not overstate how excited I am about this blood feud thing.
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